...it's just sex...

Over the past few weeks i've seen, several times, a trailer for a new movie called "Friends With Benefits".  The story centers on two individuals, both of whom have had their fill of romantic relationships.  The guys says he's "emotionally unavailable".  The girl says she's "emotionally damaged".  And so, these two friends decide to enter into a "relationship" involving just sex with no strings (emotions, commitment or love) attached.  But then, one falls for the other and it all gets complicated.  Innovative...I know.  We've never seen anything like it, right?  Oh, but we have!
As an actor, one of my first instincts is to roll my eyes at this film.  I mean, really?!  Have we not seen this movie before?  Is there no actor (other than myself) who will say "No thank you.  This story is not innovative or challenging.  It has been told already and doesn't need to be retold."  Earlier this year there was "No Strings Attached" telling the same story; two friends decide to fall into bed without the commitment that is inevitably involved and one, eventually and inexplicably, falls for the other.  Outside of the realm of film there have been a plethora of television shows preaching the "casual sex" gospel.  Look at  "Sex and The City", "Girlfriends" and "The Game" as a few examples.  And it doesn't stop there.  Turn on MTV, BET or VH1 at any given moment and you're likely to see some pop artist grinding scantily clad on someone of the opposite sex (or someone of the same sex, just being real) singing about...ahem...showing their "love".  Or turn on E! (news?) television and you'll find one reality star or another drunk or sober, bed hopping with the new love (AKA sex partner) of their life...
It's overwhelmingly and heartbreakingly sad.  Do we really think this is an okay way to live our lives?  Do we really want to teach our young ladies that giving their bodies whenever, wherever and to whomever they want is okay?  Do we really want to teach our young men that they should attempt to get it from whomever will give it to them?  How do we think it's even possible to offer up our bodies in the most intimate and vulnerable expression of love without emotions getting involved?  It's not possible folks.  It's not natural and it's not how we are designed to operate or created to interact with one another. Guess what folks, there's no such thing as no strings attached.
I'm going to take you on a small journey through one of my favorite books in the Bible.  Song of Solomon.  It's one of my favorites because it's written to and for a romantic heart such as mine.  It is a collection of lyrics, poems focused intently and solely on the experience of full love between two individuals.  I was reading Song of Solomon the other day and I came across this passage:
SofS 7:10-13 (The Message)
The Woman: I am my lover's.  I'm all he wants.  I'm all the world to him!   Come, dear lover-let's tramp through the countryside.  Let's sleep at some wayside inn, then rise early and listen to bird-song.  Let's look for wildflowers in bloom, blackberry bushes blossoming white, fruit trees festooned with cascading flowers. And there I'll give myself to you, my love to your love.  Love-apples drench us with fragrance, fertility surrounds, suffuses us, fruits fresh and preserved that i've kept and saved just for you, my love.
Later, in SofS 8:11-12 (The Message)
The Man: King Solomon may have vast vineyards in lush, fertile country, where he hires others to work the ground.  People pay anything to get in on that bounty.  But my vineyard is all mine, and i'm keeping it to myself.  You can have your vast vineyards, Solomon, you and you greedy guests.
When you read this, what do you see, hear, imagine?  Let me tell you what I hear.  I hear a woman rejoicing, bragging even, about the fact that her lover wants her and her alone.  She is his everything!  She wants to spend a day of adventure with him and "give herself to him"; her complete self, which she has kept only for him.  I hear a man bragging about the fact that he has something/someone who is his and his alone.  He talks about the fact that people would pay any amount of money to experience Solomon's vineyard.  And yet, he has a vineyard that is his and his alone (hopefully, you can tell he's talking about the woman).  And he makes a point of telling us that he is going to keep it (her; his vineyard) all to himself.
This is the ideal romance.  The ideal romantic relationship intended for us to experience.  Nowhere in these two passages or in the entire Song of Solomon do you find the suggestion that we should share ourselves, sexually, with someone with no strings attached.  In fact, three times in the SofS we are reminded not to "...excite love [or]... stir it up, until the time is ripe-and you're ready.".
If you need even more proof of the true intent for love and romantic relationships in our lives, just look at the first human relationship ever to exist.  Genesis 2:23-24 shows us Adam's relief and excitement when God creates and he (Adam) finally encounters Eve.  The Man said, "Finally!  Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh!  Name her Woman for she was made from Man."  Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife.  They become one flesh. (The Message)
Adam recognized this woman as the one that God created for him and from him.  And once that recognition occurs, the passage tells us what happens next.  "...the man leaves his father and mother and becomes one with his wife..."
Now I want you to think for a moment.  Did Adam go traipsing around the garden sharing himself with whomever (or in this case, whatever) was near just so he could satisfy his own sexual desire?  No.  He waited until he encountered the one who was made specifically and especially for him.  And immediately he recognized her.  Perhaps he was so able to recognize her because he hadn't clouded his mind, heart, and vision with cheap substitutes.  And I love this translation because in it Adam says "FINALLY!".  After searching the garden for the creature that would be his perfect match, he immediately recognized the one who was made for him.  And he joined himself to her, becoming ONE with her.  Now if he had shared himself with a bunch of other women (or creatures) would he have been completely able to become ONE with Eve?  I think not.
Let me share one last verse with you.  Proverbs 18:22 says He who finds a wife finds a good thing...
It does not say "...he who stumbles into bed with anyone who will stumble with him finds a good thing".  And it most certainly does not say "...she who shares her body with any guy who will put up with her finds a good thing".  It says "HE WHO FINDS A WIFE".
Where are these individuals?  The man who will say "no thank you, there's one specifically for me and until I FIND HER, the one who's right for me, i'll keep myself to myself and keep looking".  The woman who will say "no, i'm not so lonely, so desperate, and so uncomfortable with myself that i'll give my body to any man who will make me feel good, even if it's just for a second".
Where are they?
There have been a few times in my adult life when, after telling someone that i'm not sexually active, I've heard "Come on girl!  Don't you need to get your needs met?!  Don't you need your pipes cleaned?!  It's just sex."
Ummmm...i'm not a clogged toilet or drain.  And it's not "just sex".  There's no such thing.